I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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