so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
