Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
