Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
