I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
