I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
