Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
