I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
