Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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