Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
