There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
