I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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