How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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