This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
