dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
