Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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