Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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