no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
