I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
