I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
