dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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