I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
