i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
