Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
