I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Enjoy the penises
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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