I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
a search helicopter?!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
