my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
