Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
