Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
