did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
