You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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