i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I will pee on everything he values.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
