Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
