my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
