idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Michael Bay diarrhea
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
