I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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