I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
In other news, I just burned my penis
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
