I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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