Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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