you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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