I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
