The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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