You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
