$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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