Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
