Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
