My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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