Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
being pregnant is like rehab
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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