i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
