she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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