i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
