it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
